Shella is Upset...

I don't know why again. I'm a bit upset; I'm a bit moody; I'm a bit depressed; Im a bit stressed, I'm down.
I was showering just now. I felt like crying at once. I think it's been quite a long time I never cried out.
The tear was almost out. About few seconds later, I tried to cry but I can't. Frankly, the first shot in my mind was him. I thought I would cry if I think of him. Ha! But no matter how hard I tried to think of him, I can't. I just.. can't.
I don't have that kind of feeling like I had as previous time when we broke up. Maybe I just have hatred towards him. I don't know who to blame besides him. Weird... I don't know. I'm insane already.
That day when Simone and I were on the way back to Bw, after having fun at the beach. We were tired and she mentioned about Gee. I forgot what she'd asked me and then I said there's no more chance between us. She was like sneering at me and wonder how many times I told her that. Yea, I did promise something and I broke the promise. But this time.. Whatever! Just take my word.
Simone said something about him. Then, my eyes got wet. Oh shit.. Holy shit! I can't cry! I don't wanna cry! I dont wanna cry because of Gee again! This is what I told myself that day.
You know what? Really unexpected. "I don't wanna cry because of Gee..."
I looked at the mirror, my eyes were red, my face were red. I swept away my tears before Simone found out.

Nowadays when Im not in a well condition, I rarely show it out. I'll try to make myself look better. It's like, nothing much to say when people ask you that "what's going on with you". Even myself also not sure what is going on with the hell of the world. So I rather make everything looks normal...

And sometimes, people around me turn me off. Just like..
...*pPkess* -- The light off~!