Hatred.. everything!!

I started hate to survive in this world! The reality is so cruel! If I have to choose, I rather to be innocent, be naive. That day Chean asked me, 'do U ever think that your future spouse is not the one you love the most?'. He said I'm not yet have mature minded. This is the reality. Maybe everyone will prefer the one who loves him/her than the one he/she loving the most. I don't want to be like that. Why?
During this evening, I wanted to post up something that was in my mind. Perhaps that time I thought I was strong. I was about to say that he has to leave me after went through a journey with me. The next journey? Might have someone else to walk with me. I wanted to say that the journey that he was along is end. Ha! It was kinda pretending.. PRETENDING!!!
I still remember when I broke up with him last year, Summer said that I'm strong. I didn't look down or whatever. Maybe that time I didn't care much about that yet. I am not strong. I can claim that. I am WEAK...
I was talking with Jinn. She is sad and I am too. I can understand her feeling. It's been a long time I never cry out loudly. I wish that I can cry out as loud as I could!
I hate this world!! I hate the reality!!
Tammy was wondering why I looked fine during spending the time with'em. Ofcourse. While with them, it was so fun. I didn't get the time to think bout that. When I'm alone or even with Jinn.. Things come to my mind. Maybe it is because both of us are having the same condition.
I am so tired. I really don't know what to do. Laugh or cry? I don't know how to differentiate it. I don't even know how am I feeling sometimes..
If only I could turn back time... If only I could...