Thursday, December 01, 2005

Went into...

The light was off; the screen was off; the music was on. I was laying on my bed; she was laying on her bed. We were thinking about the same thing and bothered about the same problem. Actually there's nothing that I have to bother. She asked me,
'Is he go into your mind again?'. I kept quiet and tried to answer her immediately.
'No.', I said, with a weepie voice.
I stared at the picture, the only picture in my phone which is taken by Jimmy during his birthday at Sega. I never did that. Never keep this kind of things. I never save his messages. I never want to capture a photo with him, except that time, when he met the accident. We took some at his house using my Samsung's. I still keep that but I didn't bring along with me.
Yea, I stared at it. Tears creeped down from my eyes, from one to another. I stared until the phone's light disappeared. The night was cold. I looked up and again, stared at the ceiling. Tears never stop. I stretched out one of my hands, wished that he''ll hold it and say,
'Give me another chance to protect U...'
I closed my eyes and blamed myself. Why I had that kind of mind? Why I still think about him? I know he won't appreciate any single thing about me anymore and even if he knows how sad I'm going through, he wouldn't care. Perhaps if I live happily and leave his shadow, he might remember me. Right? He might feel that I am so useless, so annoying cause I never stop the topic between us... Laughing at me? I don't know.. Perhaps fed up with me... But he can't do anything cause I didn't mention in front of him anymore, and didn't bother him anymore. Please don't wrest the only way that for me to express my feeling...
I cried out silently once again in the middle of the night till I was tired, I fell asleep...

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