Thursday, October 13, 2005

Envy? Distrust?

I really don't know what I'm thinking now. I feel so bad and try to deny what is in my mind now. I said I feel that Summer and Kobe arel like me and Gee.. I mean last time. After passing these few things, when I heard about them, I didn't have de feeling of sharing this happiness but just keep quite there. Dont know whether I'm envy or jealous.. Or just distrust through this kind of things d.. I really feel so bad when I know I got this kind of mind. They are my best friends, I should bless for them but not doubt on their relationship.. Maybe I should get ready and make a new move.. As Simone told me, better get yourself recover before U accept something new. I know, orelse I'll get myself mess. Feel that I wanna dress up myself well now.. Ha... Am I really need to do that? Just an appearance, I feel so fake.. So what? Even if one day I change, I still haven't leave the past. What de point then? So tiring on making a fake smile..
These few days, I cried. I cried because of the memories. It's true. Things are everywhere. Every corner of my room. When I turned to de right, I saw the glasses; When I turned to de left, I saw the pillow; I turned again, I saw de soft toys..
I lost de ring.. That day I found that I lost de ring. I was like a mad person, searching from a corner to another.. I remembered that day, de 1st day we broke up, Chean was in my room. I threw de ring away infront of him. I don't know whether I get it back or I ask him to keep for me.. That is de ring that he gave me when we were at f4. That time, bon odori. It was our 1 year anniversary.. He gave me de ring, which carved de word 'S&S'.. I gave him nothing. That was me.. Last time I was like that.. What to do? Just keep it as a very good and sweet memory..

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