realization...

Sitting in front of my pc, my econ. text book is unfolding.. I started thinking.. He told me before, he afraid that he'll influence me. Before we got back together, he can feel that I was working hard on my studies.. Well, though it was not really that hard working, at least I did..
Yea, that time, I stopped think of yb that much and didn't expect that me and him will be with each other again. Now.. maybe this is just my excuse.. Maybe I'm not that concentrate on studies..
Listening to de music, quite calm today.. I know, no matter how loudly I cry it also will remain the same.. Dont you think so? Once everything changes, you can't do anything anymore... right?
Today quite normal huh, know how to think that.. Ha. ha..
Crying.. hurting myself..etc..What I did is just only to reach my own satisfaction.. I never think to do something so that I can win back someone else or get something from them.... Never.. But perhaps what I did(hurting myself or hope got s.hing happen on me) is just only wanna get people's attention and caring.. My family's, my friends'.. Ain't those who don't have sense of secure always need people's love and caring?
Hmm... eyes are getting heavy ler.. Stupid Syafiq asked me to go for dinner later again.. God! hafta spend money again?? 'sweet' is really costly.. sigh~