Is that call avoiding?

Went to my bed at 4 yesterday, after chatting with Tamm n Jimmy.
I started think of him again. But I kept telling myself that he's just a pedestrian in my life. I'm ready to let go? I begin suspecting myself now... I want to let go.. But when u think bout someone else or missing someone, u can't keep away from that, u can't avoid that, u can't even control that and.. you can't deny that...
Quite difficult to sleep yesterday cz i'd a long nap in de evening.. When I thought of him, I don't want me to be like that. Always inplicated in these stuffs.. "dun think bout it anymore.. better close your eyes n sleep now.. he's a past for you now.. he's just a pedestrian.. U have to let go, shella.., U have to.. as chean told u, u can't let others despise on u, u can't let them look down upon u...", kept telling myself.. But, is this avoiding from something? I don't know.. (my heart appearing de ans "yes")..
I don't even wanna write this stuff in my blog cz i know once i write it down i'll keep thinking and keep posting.. But, I have to be honest to my blog.. not being honest in everything perhaps(takkan telling bout every single thing that i do everyday??), just telling what i feel and what i'm thinking..
Few days before i really din think bout it anymore.. till that day i told her, it's very tough to let go someone that used to very important in ur life before.. Then i knew.. i knew that i haven't let go yet.. But it doesn't mean that i don wanna let go.. I have to let eveyone knows that I'm not that easy to beat down by guys.. I am NOT! No matter what I have to strengthen myself.. I don't wanna get hurt anymore.. It's kinda tiring..