Wednesday, June 29, 2005

My pain...

"It's very difficult for us to lay down de love affairs. Everyone is in de different situation but I can sure that my pain wouldn't less than yours.. The painful of heart will never gone once each other passed by.. Got it?", this was what she told me through sms. "In order to preserve de only friendship between us I'm willing to let go.. You should have to do so, we can do it! Don't care about other or he/she thinks.. Do what you think that is right..".
This process to being growth is so tough. Feel that growing up through this kind of method- hurts is so bad.. so tough.. so suffer.. so pain..
I know de only way to maintain de ony friendship is to let go. But I can't!! I'm not content with it!! But if I really lose I don't hope that I lost de friendship between us.. But if I let go? What if I still got chance? Perhaps avoid is my only way...
"The leaf wouldn't come back once it flies away.. It'll gone forever.."
Am I fighting against myself? I'm discontented with de result? "You're not contented on the things that both of you had.." "You feel that's not enough for you..." "You feel unwilling that you've dumped by that fellow cause you never been dumped..", she said that to me. She's right..
It's very difficult for us to compare and balancing the love affairs and our intellection. About de past, forget it.. Just let it be.. Accept it with full of courageous and accept the things that has changed. Make a compromise and let it go.. Be natural and unrestrained.. Be yourself...
But.. If I can look forward I won't be like now.. I couldn't look forward.. I'm letting myself in a dark, dull's abyss.. I couldn't release..
I asked her to give me times... I'll find a day when I got nothing to do.. I got a long time.. I'l think properly.. I know it's pain.. Can you understand de feeling? Wouldn't.. Nobody will imagine how pain it is.. It hurts..

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