Back to the life before cny. It was happening but nothing special. I did not go for any visiting but just lepak at ray's house with bunch of gamblers. (Hence I did not get a big sum of angpows money. But his mum's one was already big enuff. Nyahaha!) Yup. Gamlers. We were gambling at the same place, started at the same time, ended even more later day by day.
Read an article days ago, a woman kept a photo which was taken years ago in her purse to remind herself to keep her look like that even years passed by. Then another woman asked,
'Are you happier than you used to?'
Sometimes things aren't that simple when they don't come close. As year goes by, problem comes closer, it is getting more difficult to solve. It consumes a lot of steps to achieve. I tried not to think much and just let everything be fine to make life simple. But it's hard. It's real hard when you grow a year elder, even a day elder. Problem keeps appearing in my mind and it catches my every breath. Shapeless pressure will just appear once my eyes shut.
My dad isn't going back to Brunei anymore. People will think that the whole family shall feel happy cause we don't need to apart from each other anymore. I feel happy indeed cause I can see him always. But no one knows this is a bad news for us. That is the place which he earns money. If he comes back signifies that everything will be an end. It's hard to say and no one will understand. They will never understand. Plus, he is out when he wakes up and we can only see him while he's sleeping. Imagine you have to wake up earlier to see your dad and stay late to wait for him to come back. Or if you come back a bit later, you could just see he's sleeping. I don't mean to blame but I'm really not contented with this.
I gave her a call days ago. Her voice was shivering. It's like thousad needles pinched at my heart when I heard that. She tried so hard to control herself but I knew she was weeping. I did not say anything, I did not know what to say. I could not speak. After hung up the phone. I cried.
I have been thinking of stop studying these few days. But this will never come out from my mind...
I can't say much here and lastly,
Mum, I love you... so much...