Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Back to normal?

I just had my lunch with Jinn them all. She looks so moody recently. I think most probably is because of his bf and she told me that she's so depressed recently. While I was waiting Jinn to finish her meal, she told Sumay that I'm back to normal and she feels so glad with that. Back to normal? Hope so but am I really hope so?
Before went down to meet them. I was watching drama and listening to de music in my room. Laying on my bed, my mind started running...
How many times that I've been telling myself that I have to give up? I thought I really can give up. I really thought that I reach it. I don't wanna fall into this trap anymore! No more. But just now, I was thinking, what if we still have the chance? I know I shouldn't have this mind. Since the moment that I wanna give up, I shouldn't think of it anymore! I'm so scared.. If I thought what I'm thinking now will work then I'll keep giving hopes. I don't want! And I will never forget one thing, he himself agrees and wants me to LET GO!
Everytime when I see my own nickname in MSN, Never Return- Take my words!, I felt so proud with that. I felt that it's so powerful! And I thought that I really made it. But just now when I saw it, I feel so guilt!! Where are all my powers?
I ask myself, if one day I still have the chance with yb, will I take it? Perhaps months ago I'll consider 'bout it but now, I don't think I will; I ask myself again, if one day I still have a chance with him, will I take the chance? I don't know. Depends on the condition cause I know everything has changed. U know what? I told myself, if I don't wanna let it be worst as I assumed, then I shall maintain my own situation. Once one of us get into another relationship, we'll never have de chance.
I'm so stupid.. I'm really stupid.. Is that mean that I'm still waiting?? Please not! Why I wanna have this kind of thinking? If I don't think 'bout it, it never comes up to my mind. Now I already had it in my mind. Even I don't wish that I give any hopes, I'll never stop thinking bout that. It'll never stop bothering me!! Please let me go...

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