Please give me some hints..

I'm standing in front of my window again. Light is switched off. Jinn asked me to go ahead what I really want but I know there's no way to let me in.. It seems like I already know what's de ending.. Why should I bring myself to trouble again? Why I wanna let myself pass through the miserable life? I've made up my mind just now but when I'm here alone again, I started doubt on my decision.. I'm blank now. Totally blank! My mind, my decision always change! Sometimes I really fed up with all of this.. I'm afraid that I'll take de first move to ask him all about this but his attitude spoils my confidence. God, please give me hints.. What am I suppose to do now? I don't wanna lost my pride in front of him anymore..