Monday, September 05, 2005

I begin afraid...

Simpson(de fortune teller) told me that I'm a melancholiac, now I do realized that I am.. I'm so scared, so scared of myself... Things that he said are accurate.. He wanted me to forget my past love affair... Though we have broke but my heart still thinking and waiting de day of recover.. Dont, he asked me not to do so, otherwise I'll be very suffering..
When I was in de bus, thought bout something. Finally I realized, he's not my real guy, everything is ended. Nothing will happen on me n him anymore. Simpson said my Mr. Right will appear in November. I'm not really like this guy at first and he's my friend. Not new friend.. But after that I'll fall in love with him and he'll take good care of me. I get shocked when I knew that. It's too fast for me. I wanna calm down.. but..? I don't want any love stuffs happen on me. I'm afraid of getting hurt. That feel was so worse, it's not good to taste. I have not yet get ready. I'm trying the hardest to recover myself..
There are something I wanna let him know..
Gee, I'm not angry anymore. Since when? I don't know.. But I admit that I do have grudge on you. However, what for? I realized, me and you are impossible to be with each other again. It's useless to blame. If really want, I just can clame that both of us couldn't go through de trial between us. As Simpson said, we couldn't go through de trial.. Therefore I'm willing to be your friend. Thanks for your caring, thanks for brought me happiness, thanks for growing me up.
I was so stupid, thought that perhaps one day we'll together again, thought that he's my Mr. right. Thinking that cz I had not lay him down. But now, I wanna lay him down. I really want and I'll try my best..
That day listened to Vivian's song at Red Box, I couldn't endure my pain and my tear dropped..
I don't wanna cry or drop a single tear bcz of him anymore.. Although my tear is dropping when I was writting that msg above. I realized, everything is over...
Yea, melancholia.. I was doing my maths, listening to S.E.N.S and suddenly my mood dropped till de deepest part in my heart.. And my eyes got wet.. I'm so afraid, thought of Sampson's advices.. Oh my God.. I really got melancholia..
Anyway, thanks for my best friends, Cyn and Tammy.. I really have had a wonderful moment with them..
Love you guys...


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shy said...

What simpson say was right, mayb u r not love him anymore, jz an illusion or some feeling that make u feel that u r still love him..dont force urself too much for not drop ur tear, just let it be what it will be, thats what u told me,right ? wish u