Thursday, August 11, 2005

Once again...

Jim called me. We chat for a while and just cut off. He knew me n G broke up d.. I thought I can control my feeling cz just now while having dinner in de living room I did mention something to Yvonne.. but that time I din feel anything.
He told them..that i've broke up with him.. He said he feels guilty to meet any of s10.. guilty? only s10 or certain ppl?( cz jimmy asked him out with her)..He told me tat he felt guilty to her cz last time said wanna go after her but stopped suddenly.. Jimmy denied that. He said G feels guilty cz he's wondering whether he really hurts me this time? jim said if is him, he'll get hurt too.. He did tell them bout de things happened btw me n him.. included I nearly gv him de things.. Even de words I spoke to him while argueing...whatever! I dun care..
G doesn't know whether i'm changing or he... Not me!!! really I'm not changing.. I just learn how to express my feeling to who i love... what did i get?? He felt so strange when I treated him well... was it an excuse? Luckily i gave myself sometimes to cool down tat i dun wanna re-add him now... Cz after mentioned bout him i couldn't control my feeling again!
I told meng horng ystrday.. Maybe i'm gonna keep my feeling deep inside my heart and wont put any hope in that anymore... I know that will make myself unhappy... But.. Time will brings away de sadness...
I'm still giving hope in tat.. I wont deny.. Jim asked me to let's a past... He thinks it won't retrieve anymore.. His wording broke my heart... I can't stop myself on giving hope but so far i wont doo anything anymore..
Last night I cried in front of Jinn n Sumay.. " Love is not everything", Sumay told me that..
Endless sadness...

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