wish to say NO...

How I wish that I could say 'no'; how I wish that I could fight back... Like I say, it's just nothing to him even if both of us break up. Why? Why I don't tell my friends that I go on with him again? I wont tell them purposely. Cause I don't know how to tell them that this relationship will end anytime, as in... anytime. Shouldn't get started with him. If I didn't get started with him, I might dont have that much of things to worry about. No one will pity for de drops. It's me myself who had chosen the path, so I've to bear on him, bear on his attitude, bear on everything. What am I waiting for? What am I worry about? waiting for de day we gonna break up; worry bout the days that we have to face after breaking up...
Karma, I believe that. Sometimes I wish that he might face what am I facing now; he might suffer what am I suffering sometimes. But, if he's loving someone like I'm loving him right now, I rather he won't face that karma. I dont wanna see he has that kind of feeling onto someone else. I dontwant him to have any regret on someone else. If I say that's a revenge, I wish that I can do it nicely, I want him to have regrets on losing me. But it has to take time, a long long time. And ofcourse, I have to be patient. I cant imagine if someone replaces my position like I had, I mean that position, obviously not de current one. I might get mad! Very mad.. Unless.. He has regret on losing me; he has regret by knowing that I wont return anymore. Will that day comes? Is it I really wish it comes? It's like... a lil bit cruel. It's like.. destroying de beautiful dream land. But, this is life.. All of you.. Bless me k?... Maybe when someday I have that feeling like what I have to yb, I wont care that much... U wont believe how comfy it is.. I mean that feeling, when u really released...