What's that all about?

When I didn't have it, I wish to get it and wish to let it go at de same time. Love.. It's kinda bothering... Now I have it but... Argh.. I'm so upset!! I just can't say NO to him.. Just can't...
Actually I dont wanna go out d cause my bro kepps complain that I wasn't at home this few days... And I dunno how to face him. But on the other hand, I'm still afraid. I'm afraid that he'll leave me aside when he doesn't see me.. If we don't have that relationship perhaps I can persuade myself to stay at house..
That kind of drink, like Cecelia drinks in that movie... How good if really have this kind of drinks which can forget ur true love after you drink it.. Yea Tamm.. I'm not happy even both of us are in de relationship.. Cause I can't feel his serious and I dun have de confidence... Why I'm that soft hearted? Why eventually I still choose de same road?
I dont have de guts to let him know that I'm unhappy.. I dont want we have something to argue...
Just wish to go back.. Really really really wish to stay innocent....