Wednesday, August 17, 2005


I was moody yesterday...damn moody...Facing financial problem. Really broke like a hell now... I thought I still have 50 bucks to spend but after that I found I'd spent it sincce days ago.. My mind was totally blank. And that time i still owing Sumay 10 bucks n San 5 bucks..
Felt hard to breath then I went to my living room without switching de light. Kept twisting my hp.. think of her.. but I dare not to call her cz i thought this was only a small matter n i dun wanna find her oftenly bcz of de small matters..I din know y at last i told her that.. b4, I was thinking whether wanna call mum or not.. I did not do that after that. Just dun wanna let her know bout that. Just dun wanna make her worry bout me. At de night, she called me and ask bout my situation. I told her. De only 50 bucks that I thought I have is spent. That was not de 1st time she asked me study with no worries. Not to worry bout de financial prob. Even though that time during alen's, we were facing financial prob but he's gonna graduate soon. Both of my bro din worry bout de financial prob that time..It doesn't mean that they dun care but they jst spent what they want- food n books. I cried. I've been thinking before, I eat what I want..but what I want( related with studies) and if really out of $ then only I ask from my family.. But I know, I'll spend in other so that's y I keep saving $.. so stupid! Mum asked me not to worry bout that, just take it easy. She'll support me in everything.
"Girl, dun make me worry bout u ok? Mum will support all of u in ur studies no matter how hard I am. Dun cry, dun make mummy worries anymore k cz mum loves you all so much..". I couldn't control my tears. It kept dropping. I know.. I love her too. She wanted my acc num n wanna send me money. I rejected even only 100.. I know that amount is very useful to her now. I told her, my situation is different with others. Those they can get their pocket money once a week. Even when their money r running out but the pocket money will b delivered after another month arrive. But i dont. I couldn't assume my budget cz i jst ask from them when I need money. That's why sometimes i dare not to overspend cz i'm afraid when I ask from them, then that time if they got
Well, even when i ask, perhaps I get more than that. Like that time, I asked from daddy. Yea right, he gave me b$500, here 1000++..but this is de money that i have to pay for de rental fee man! It's about 600. So? I only got bout 400 a month.. not a month.. a time!
Went to withdraw today. Took out 700. Another hundred is for my own spending. I spent 50 bucks today. 5 bucks for own, returned Sumay 10 bucks. Then treat Chan 5 bucks.. 20 bucks spent on some groceries.. God!! sO i'm not goin to Port Dickson with'em... 1stly is no money..2nd, I'm afraid I spend 60 bucks there n will feel not enjoying..somemore scare i'll spend money in time square.. Damn it..
Sms-ed with wei wei..she asked me to Jb with her on 26th.. mayb la..have to ensure to her again..

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