I have to be strong!

I wish I could cry out loudly!! But I can't! I have to control my emotion very well. I know if once I drop my tears, then I'll be crying often. I really wanna shout out you know! Not because of the campus life is tough. Even I have to done all my things by myself, I still feel happy bout it. Maybe for some of them will be a small problem but for me, that was different. This was the 1st time I truely done all my stuff by myself...
But I feel lonely.. Jinn them are going to the night market. I was wondering how come others can be so happy and seems like adapting very well in here but I couldn't? I can adapt, just I'm almost not in the mood. Just now Jinn's friend came to our room( she'd move into this apartment also). They talk with each other, sounds like many topic( she was her school mate) to share with. Then suddenly I feel down. Really don't know why. When they went out. I really wanna cry loudly. My tears nearly drop you know. But I tried my best to control it. I swallowed it. I'm not letting it falls from my eyes. I'm not going to shed a tear. I'm not like Gee, stopped his education because of this( he said that). Maybe this was just an excuse for me. Alex sure will not allow me to stop my education before graduate. But if you let me to choose again, I'll choose the same road. I've to try everything, no matter how hard. Or I won't grow up. Please, let me be stronger...